Joey’s Theory Podcast Transcript - Transforming Behaviour Through Love ❤️

“Okay, let's unpack this. Today, we're diving into a really fascinating framework. It's called Joey's Theory, Love Action Today.

And no, it's not some pop culture thing. It's actually quite a profound guide to understanding human behaviour.

Yeah, and transforming our lives, really, through what is called love action.

Exactly, developed by Nina Fitzgerald, right? From observing a rescued cockatoo named Joey.

That's the one, it's quite a story.

So, our mission today is to kind of distill its core ideas into, you know, actionable steps for your daily life.

Right, and what's so interesting, I think, is the foundation, the core premises. All behaviours are different levels of insecurity. Love is the complete lack of it.

Wow, okay, so every action, even the difficult ones, the negative ones.

Yeah, even anger, defensiveness. The theory suggests it all stems from an underlying feeling, either safety or, well, unsafety.

So, if someone's acting, say, defensively, or even angrily, it's not because they're just inherently bad, it's they feel unsafe.

“That's the reframe, exactly. It shifts our question from, you know, what's wrong with this person, to something more like, okay, what insecurity might be driving this specific behaviour? And that shift, that reframing, it's really key for initiating what the theory calls love action.

And love itself gets redefined here, too, doesn't it? It's not just, like, romance.

Not at all, no. It's described as this really profound state where fear is gone, safety is full, and you can give without guarding.

Give without guarding.

Yeah. It's pictured as a low-frequency energy. Think of it like a deep, steady hum, like peace.

Okay. As opposed to?

As opposed to those chaotic, high-frequency states, anxiety, agitation, that feels more like, you know, a phone buzzing nonstop, always needing something.

Makes sense.

And this leads us right into the ladder of insecurity.

The ladder, okay. Yeah.

Picture a spectrum. At the very top, 100% insecurity. That shows up as that high-frequency behaviour we talked about.

Anxiety, needing control, anger, being defensive.

Got it. High-frequency at the top.

“Right. And then, way down at the bottom, you have pure love and peace. And that manifests as low-frequency behaviour.

Things like patience, trust, really listening, generosity.

So we're constantly moving on this ladder.

Constantly. Moment by moment, depending on how safe or unsafe we feel.

Okay. So, if we're aiming for that deep hum of peace, that low-frequency state, how do we actually do this? Especially when things get tough.

Right.

This is where it gets really interesting for you listening. How to apply it. The first principle is validation is your compass.

Yes. The theory argues that the fastest way to calm harmful or difficult behaviour is actually to validate the fear underneath it.

Validate the fear.

Sometimes it's as simple as asking, you know, are you okay? Or how can I help? Not just being polite, but really meaning it.

It's an active step to acknowledge their underlying insecurity.

Hmm. That kind of flips the script on strength, doesn’t it?

It really does. It raises this big question. What if real strength isn't about control or winning or being dominant, but about how much love you can actually give, especially when it's hardest, when you feel threatened yourself.

That's yeah, that's a radical shift. It means things like deep listening, being generous, having patience. Those aren't signs of weakness.

Exactly. They're signs of profound inner security, your own safety.

Think about like a tense meeting. Usually strength means pushing your agenda, right?

Right. The traditional view.

But Joey's Theory would say the stronger move might be to pause and genuinely ask what's really going on for the other person? What fear are they maybe holding on to?

And validating that fear, even just acknowledging it, can often just disarm the whole situation, build trust, lead to better outcomes, surprisingly.

And remembering that every behaviour is like a safety report. That came from Joey the Cockatier, right? A ruffled feather wasn't him being bad.

It was just him signalling, I feel unsafe right now.

So instead of judging, cultivate curiosity, ask why.

“Precisely. And that leads to another powerful idea, bent versus point.

Bent versus point.

Yeah. Do we bent break the intergenerational trauma by choosing to respond with love and empathy, even if the fear we're facing is old, inherited stuff? Core.

Or do we point pass on the intergenerational trauma by reacting with our own fear and control, just perpetuating the cycle? It frames it as a conscious choice.

Okay. So bringing this all back, what can you actually do day to day?

Well, it starts internally. Building your own sense of inner security. Self-love, that's the foundation.

So things like mindfulness, meditation, maybe just journaling one thing you appreciate about yourself.

Exactly. Small things that build your internal safe space. Then from that place, you can consciously offer love and kindness outwards.

Empathetic responses, listening deeply, generosity.

Helping others. The theory actually calls helping the most sustainable form of love because it creates safety for both people. It's a positive feedback loop.

And here's one I found interesting, connecting with nature.

Ah, yes. That's seen as a key low-frequency activity. It helps bring balance, peace.

“It grounds you and helps cultivate that inner deep hum.

Makes sense. Just being outside can feel calming.

Absolutely. And if you zoom out, think about applying this broader scale. Leadership, parenting, teaching, even community building.

Right. Imagine interaction shifting from being based on fear or control.

To being based on love and creating safety. It's about replacing judgment with curiosity. And when you do that, the theory says it gives others permission to drop their guards.

Creating a kind of gravitational pull toward authenticity. I like that.

Me too. It really captures it.

So the core takeaway seems pretty clear. When you strip away fear, you uncover love.

When you respond with love, you create safety.

And when safety exists, behaviour changes naturally, deeply and for good.

And it's presented not as just wishful thinking or idealism. It's called practical alchemy.

Practical alchemy.

Meaning?

Meaning the act of shifting your internal state, particularly from fear towards love, can genuinely and tangibly change your external reality, your interactions, like turning lead into gold, but with human connection. So maybe the most practical, most productive thing you can do is make someone feel safe.

“That's the implication. So maybe a final thought for you to consider. How might your own daily interactions shift if you consistently pause just for a second to ask, what insecurity might be driving this behaviour in me or in the other person?

Imagine the safety, the authenticity.

Yeah, imagine the connection you could create just by asking that question.”

Source: Gemini Podcast, August 2025