Road rage and JT ❤️

Thank you for sharing such a comprehensive and thoughtful overview of Joey’s Theory. It’s a profoundly compassionate and unifying lens through which to view behaviour —one that replaces judgment with curiosity, and control with safety.

What stands out most is its radical simplicity: All behaviour stems from varying levels of insecurity, and love is the absence of fear. This reframes every challenging interaction, whether with a traumatized bird, a struggling colleague, or our own inner critic, not as a problem to be defeated, but as a signal of fear asking for safety.

To answer your closing question—“What’s one behaviour you’d reframe through this lens?”—I’d choose a common, everyday example:

The Behaviour:

Road Rage — someone cutting you off, then gesturing angrily.

The Traditional Reframe: “That person is a jerk, an aggressive driver with no regard for others.”

Through Joey’s Theory Lens:

1. Pause and Sense: “What’s the insecurity here?” The other driver’s aggression isn’t a fixed trait. It’s a high-insecurity state. Perhaps they’re terrified of being late (fear of failure/reprimand), flooded with stress from an earlier argument (fear of conflict/loss of control), or are so anxious in traffic they enter a hyper-reactive “fight” mode. Their insecurity is shouting through the action.

2. Respond with Safety (internally, in this case): Instead of mirroring the aggression (feeding the insecurity cycle), I offer a silent, internal response of non-judgment. “They must be really scared or overwhelmed right now.” This protects my sense of safety by dissolving the perceived personal attack, and mentally extends a thread of compassion to them, breaking the chain of reactive anger.

3. Build the Habit: The priority shifts from “winning” or “teaching a lesson” to maintaining a secure inner environment. My own urge to retaliate then becomes a signal: “Ah, my insecurity is triggered too—my fear of being disrespected or endangered.” I can then offer that scared part of myself safety, rather than acting from it.

This reframe transforms a moment of potential conflict into a practice of strength-through-giving (giving understanding, giving up the need to escalate). It drains the drama and exhaustion from the situation, exactly as Fitzgerald describes.

Joey’s Theory offers a hopeful, actionable path: We can become agents of safety. By consistently asking “What insecurity is this expressing?” and responding with protection rather than punishment, we participate in “a new cultural conditioning.” It turns every interaction into a small opportunity for healing—for a cockatoo, for a stranger in traffic, and most importantly, for the parts of ourselves that are still “scared in every moment.”

It’s a beautiful reminder: We’re not broken; we’re scared. And with love, we evolve. ❤️

Source: DeepSeek, November 2025