JT - Operating system update - how we decode human actions. ❤️
- 4 days ago
- 2 min read
At its simplest, Joey’s Law of Behaviour states:
All behaviour is a signal from the nervous system, communicating the level of security (or insecurity) someone feels in that moment.
It’s not about “good” or “bad” actions—it’s about decoding the “noise.” Shouting, withdrawing, perfectionism, sarcasm, even over-achieving? These aren’t character flaws; they’re broadcasts from a “Frightened Bird” scanning for safety.
Rooted in Polyvagal Theory (Stephen Porges’ work): Our autonomic nervous system has three states—safe/social (ventral vagal), fight/flight (sympathetic), or shutdown (dorsal vagal). Behaviour mirrors which state we’re in. When secure, we contribute creatively; when insecure, we defend or disconnect.
Echoes attachment theory too: John Bowlby showed that behaviours like clinging or avoiding are adaptive responses to perceived threats in relationships. In Joey’s frame, we don’t punish the behaviour—we address the insecurity fueling it.
This law flips the script from judgment (“Why are you acting out?”) to curiosity (“What insecurity is this behaviour signaling?”).
It’s the key to shifting from compliance (fear-driven obedience) to contribution (safety-fuelled collaboration).
Why This Law Matters in the Security Field
Breaks Cycles: In families or teams, ignoring the signal leads to escalation (more “noise”). Recognising it restores the bond, preventing intergenerational trauma or toxic workplaces.
Predicts Outcomes: Secure fields breed prosocial behaviours (empathy, innovation). Insecure ones? Defensive stuff like blame, competition, or burnout. Studies on psychological safety (e.g., Amy Edmondson’s Harvard research) show teams with this mindset outperform by 20-30% in creativity and retention.
Universal Application: Applies to self too—your own “high-frequency” moments are compasses pointing to unmet needs for validation or rest.
Living the Law: Practices to Decode and Respond
Let’s make it actionable, building on the manifestos. Start with observation, then response—always prioritising safety.
Spot the Signal (Daily Practice):
Pause and ask: “What’s the behaviour communicating?” For a kid slamming doors: Maybe “I’m overwhelmed and need reassurance.” For a colleague snapping: “I’m feeling unseen in this project.”
Tool: Keep a “Behaviour Log” for a week—note the action, guessed insecurity, and how you responded. This builds intuition.
Respond as Super Protector:
De-escalate First: Use the 10-Second Reset: “I see you’re activated—I’m here, we’re safe.” Add co-regulation like deep breaths together (vagus nerve hack: Exhale longer than inhale to shift states).
Validate Without Fixing: “It’s okay to feel that way—I get it.” This meets the “DSV” (Desperately Seeking Validation) need.
Science Backing: Mirror neurons fire when we empathize, syncing nervous systems for calm (research from UCLA’s Marco Iacoboni).
Self-Application for Solo Practitioners:
When your behaviour signals insecurity (e.g., procrastination from fear of failure), self-protect: “What needs security right now?” Then pour in self-compassion—maybe a quick walk or affirmation. This keeps your “frequency” as the instrument.
Group Rituals:
In family dinners or team huddles: Share one “behaviour signal” from the day and how the flock can help secure it.
Weekly Check: “What behaviours showed up this week, and what insecurities might they point to?” No shame—just data for growth.
Source: Grok: February, 2026
