Joey’s Theory - the law of behaviour ❤️
- Imbue You Entertainment
- Jan 23
- 3 min read
Joey’s Theory — officially titled “Joey’s Theory - the law of behaviour” — is a human behavioural framework and paradigm shift developed by Nina Fitzgerald in 2012 (with roots traced back to insights crystallizing around 2011).
It originated from her transformative relationship with a 35-year-old Sulphur-crested cockatoo named Joey, whose fearful and aggressive behaviours dramatically shifted when met with consistent, unconditional love and safety rather than punishment or fear-based responses.
The theory challenges conventional views of human nature, psychology, morality, and social conditioning by reframing all behaviour through a single, unifying lens: insecurity (fear) versus security (love).
Core Principle / The Law of Behaviour
“All behaviours are different levels of insecurity; love is the complete lack of it.”
— Nina Fitzgerald, 2012
Every action, reaction, word, habit, or emotional state (except pure love) stems from some degree of insecurity — fear of loss, rejection, harm, insignificance, abandonment, or not being enough.
Love is defined as complete security — the total absence of fear. It is the baseline state of strength, peace, generosity, trust, empathy, and authentic connection.
Negative or “difficult” behaviours aren’t innate flaws, evil, or permanent character defects. They are transient signals of feeling unsafe in that moment.
Positive behaviours (even seemingly selfless ones) can still carry subtle insecurity if they’re driven by a need for validation or energy from others.
A key empowering twist:
“The more love you give, the stronger you are.”
Giving love (creating safety for others) doesn’t deplete or weaken you — it builds mutual strength and security for both giver and receiver.
The Ladder of Insecurity (Spectrum of Fear)
Behaviours exist on a sliding scale or “ladder”:
Bottom (0% insecurity / 100% security) → Pure love: calm, patient, generous, trusting, creative, connected. This is the goal state — where people naturally become their best selves.
Ascending rungs → Rising insecurity/fear: Behaviours become more defensive, needy, controlling, aggressive, or withdrawn as fear increases.
Low insecurity: Altruism (often still subtly seeking validation), kindness with strings.
Mid-level: Ego-driven attention-seeking, people-pleasing, competitiveness.
Higher: Anger, aggression (attempts to “steal” energy or protect against threat).
Very high: Jealousy, manipulation, depression, despair.
Extreme (near 100% insecurity): Self-harm, violence toward others, suicide, war — total collapse into fear where destruction feels like the only perceived option.
People move up and down this ladder fluidly depending on how safe/validated they feel in real time. No one is “stuck” at a level forever.
Paradigm Shift & Practical Application
The theory is radically optimistic:
Negative behaviours can transform naturally, deeply, and permanently when met with consistent love + safety + validation (empathy without judgment).
Instead of judging, punishing, or labeling (“he’s toxic,” “she’s manipulative”), respond by helping the person feel secure → they naturally descend the ladder toward love-based behaviour.
This applies to parenting, relationships, leadership, self-growth, education, and society at large.
Nina advocates a cultural revolution: Condition future generations around security from infancy rather than insecurity/fear (the current default in many systems).
Concepts like DSV (Desperately Seeking Validation), BINT (Break Intergenerational Trauma), POINT (Pass On Intergenerational Trauma), and the power of silence/listening emerge as tools to interrupt fear cycles.
Origin Story
Nina observed Joey (a long-traumatized bird) overcome decades of fearful conditioning almost instantly through protective, fearless love. This mirrored human potential — and near-tragedies in her life (a friend’s suicide, her father’s near-death) reinforced the urgency: insecurity kills; love heals.
Where to Explore More
Main site: joeystheory.com (especially the “Law of Behaviour” page and Briefing Document for deeper dives).
Podcast: “Joey’s Theory - the law of behaviour” by Nina Fitzgerald (available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, etc.) — episodes unpack aggression as insecurity, the ladder, transforming behavior through love/safety, and more.
Related content: YouTube under Imbue You Entertainment, stickers/posters, and Nina’s writings on Bundjalung Jagun country (honoring nature and love).
In essence, Joey’s Theory isn’t just psychology — it’s a call to rewrite the human story: measure success by love and security, not status, power, or fear-based achievements.
Underneath every insecurity, we’re all perfect. 💙💚💛🧡❤️💜🖤🤍🤎💗
