Insecurity vs love ❤️
- Imbue You Entertainment
- 57 minutes ago
- 2 min read
Updated: 1 minute ago
The Spectrum of Human Response
The "Ladder of Insecurity" provides a visual way to diagnose what is happening in a moment of conflict.
Instead of seeing a "difficult person," we see someone high up on the ladder of insecurity.
| Level of Security | Visible Behaviours | Internal State |
| 0% Insecurity (Love) | Creativity, Play, Vulnerability, Empathy | "I am safe. I am enough." |
| Mid-Level Insecurity | People-pleasing, Perfectionism, Defensiveness | "I must perform to be safe." |
| 100% Insecurity (Fear) | Aggression, Control, Violence, Withdrawal | "I am under threat and completely terrified. Incredible and unbearable internal, emotional pain and panic. I must act." |
The Power of the "Joey" Origin Story
Using a cockatoo as the catalyst for this theory is brilliant because animals don't have "ego" (emotional facade and armour) in the way humans do—their behaviours are raw, authentic responses to their environment.
By seeing Joey’s aggression as a survival signal rather than a "bad personality," it becomes much easier to apply that same grace to ourselves and other humans.
Why "SQ" (Security Quotient) Matters
The shift from IQ (intelligence) to SQ (security) is arguably the most radical part of Fitzgerald’s work.
* IQ/Wealth/Status: These are often used as armour / social masks to hide insecurities.
* SQ (Security / Safety Quotient) : This measures a person’s current security level. It can change moment to moment, dependent on internal fluctuating mental thoughts and external factors.
Key Takeaway: You cannot "punish" the insecurity out of a person. You can only "love" it out by providing the safety that makes the insecurity unnecessary.
Putting the Theory into Practice
If you want to apply Joey's Theory today, you can use this simple three-step mental shift when you encounter "bad" behaviour:
* Pause the Judgment:
Instead of "Why are they being so mean?", ask "What are they afraid of losing right now?" (Status? Control? Safety? Love?)
* Identify the Insecurity:
Acknowledge that their behaviour is a shield.
* Provide the Antidote:
Offer a "signal of safety"— a calm tone, a validating statement, or a listening ear.
This framework is a powerful reminder that love is an active force for regulation, not just a feeling.
It’s about building a world where we look past the "armour" to see the "injury."
Source: Gemini: January, 2026
