De-escalation through Security. ❤️

To apply the Security Quotient (SQ) effectively, we have to move away from the traditional idea of "managing" or "fixing" a situation. Instead, we look at it through the lens of De-escalation through Security.

Here is a breakdown of how to apply this framework to a high-stress professional or personal scenario.

The SQ Application Framework

When a "difficult" behaviour occurs (aggression, avoidance, defensiveness), you can use this three-step process:

* The Pause (Internal SQ Check):

Ask yourself, "Am I reacting out of my own insecurity right now?"

To give security, you must first feel it.

* The Diagnosis (Detecting the Fear):

Instead of seeing a "difficult person," see a "scared person."

What part of their safety is being threatened? (Status, belonging, competence?)

* The Response (The Love/Safety Injection):

Address the insecurity directly rather than the behaviour.

Scenario:

The Defensive Colleague or Partner

Imagine someone is snapping at you or being overly critical of your work.

Traditional Response (Low SQ) vs Joey’s Theory Response (High SQ)

Low SQ Focus: Defending your own ego or "winning" the argument.

vs

High SQ Focus: Restoring the other person's sense of safety.

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Low SQ Action: Pointing out their rudeness or snapping back.

vs

High SQ Action: Acknowledging their stress and validating their value.

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Low SQ Result: Escalated tension; both parties feel less secure.

vs

High SQ Result: The "bad" behaviour dissolves because the need for it (defense) is gone.

Practical Daily Exercises to Build SQ

Increasing your Security Quotient is like building a muscle. Here are a few ways to practice:

* Radical Listening: Listen to someone without planning your rebuttal. This shows them their voice is "safe" with you.

* The "Safety" Question: When a conflict arises, ask: "What can I do right now to make you feel more supported?"

* Vulnerability as Strength: Share a mistake or a fear first.

In Joey’s Theory, being the first to drop your guard is the ultimate sign of high SQ strength.

2026 JT Mainstreamed

As we move into 2026, the application of SQ could become a standard part of Leadership Training.

Instead of "Conflict Management," managers might be trained in "Security Facilitation"—the art of keeping a team's collective insecurity so low that innovation happens naturally.

Source: Gemini, December 2025

Image: ChatGPT, March 2025